Leaving behind stress, responsibility and many outstanding warrants, the Phoenix Hash contingent made their way toward the border with the hopes of finding the infamous "Lady in Red" in Bisbee. After several near death experiences and the sacrifice of one of Alvin's Chipmunks (I believe it was Theodore) just prior to their movie release, the Phoenix Hash was thrust upon the National Hall of Debauchery known as the Lingerie pub crawl. Some undressed in pee soaked bathrooms, others chose to let it all hang out in the parking lot. The beauty was seen early as thongs clung to forest-like asses and package hair. The show was soon stolen by Milkman and his Utters (real utters). Mount n' Spread tried relentlessly to get milk out of them but nothing came. Luckily Penis Colada (his plowing partner) used it as a turn on and they returned to their room early. The crawl went through Hotel lobbies, Biker bars, sports? bars, and then came to an American Legion. With Batman like perfect timing, most of Phoenix arrived at the specific moment that a pipe burst in a 100 lb woman and spewed 27 gallons of vomit all over the floor. They were, of course, used to that kind of reaction, from women but not when there wasn't a package check with Luuuger cumming near. However, being hashers, they stayed, ignored the smell, and kept right on drinkin'. The final stop possessed excellent beer flow and the best karaoke that side of the bar. Those that were not singing were so confused they thought they decided to take part in a lip stick
sucking competition. The rules were that you had to have never met that person before and the lipstick had to be completely sucked off the other person's face. Phoenix was able to represent WELL. Of course leading the charge was Milkman and Penis Colada "fresh" from their latest orgasm. Minutes later they ran away again screaming something about a Hot Pocket. As the night progressed many offers were made. Those for old time sake, for hotel's sake, for safe guy
sake, and for Twisted Sister's sake were rejected (Kinda). Others that involved Dominatrix, whips, probes, and back seats were thought about, considered, and finally laid back and accepted. Massive bruises and chapped/cracked "lips" set the precedent for the events to cum.

As Saturday arrived an echo was heard all through the valley as all hashers let out a collective "Who the fuck are you!!?" Followed by a "What the fuck did we do last night?" and finally B-Flat and Victor-Victoria with their collective "Why the hell does my ass hurt?"

The beautiful red dresses were out in force. "Just" Rod was truly embarrassed as someone must have gone to the same Prada designer and made 2 identical dresses. A "sword" fight broke out and after a fierce battle it was deemed a draw and both were allowed to wear their dresses. The trail ran up steep hills and staircases. The problem "as usual" was that it never seemed to go down for long enough. Right when the hashers were starting to enjoy it, it would give up and start to feel like work again. Upon arrival to the first beer check who was to be found but Milkman with a finger and a thumb
inserted to help Penis Colada up the stairs. It worked out fine as he was able to give her a mustache when they reached the top. Trail continued down the highway to a steep, slippery, rock filled, desert death trap drainage ditch. Feeling like semen the hash then went through a huge shaft under the highway and were soon squirting out the other end. The second beer check brought about drunken hashers tipping over into bushes and Barbie Twins showing their racks to all. The short trail that remained took us back to the scene of Friday's lake o' regurge. The smell was finally gone but was quickly reloaded with the sweet stank of sweaty rayon. Upon arrival they found The Lady in Red had made a wonderful oriental dinner buffet. Seconds before circle whom did the hashers see running out ripping their clothes off again...you guessed it, Milkman and Penis Colada this time yelling something about peanut better and a cow pasture. The short 4 hour circle gave us new songs for Victor Victoria, a, Rich, Young, Dumb, Nymphomaniac, and a birthday wish for UPMS and, of
course, Happy Birthday Fuck You!!!. Both had double duty as they both went to the equivalent of a division III high school…nebraska and deservedly got a down down for that too. In and ironic twist Is It In Yet won a date rape kit which would have cum in handy for him on Friday...actually, he didn't need it. The hash went in peace and cleared out for the legion to hose it down once again.

Sunday brought upon the Hangover Hash in Tombstone which was sponsored by RA the sun god who gave the hash a profound FUCK YOU, you are all burning today. Chalk talk was nothing more than a severe warning to stay on trail or you might get shot…seriously. Is It In Yet lead everyone in Father Bermingham in order to start the beer sweats and they were ready to go. The short trail went by a lot of horse shit and broken concrete roads. The hares were within feet of
being caught but luckily made it to the beer first. Circle required one more Song for UPMS and Happy Birthday Fuck You!!! Once the beer was gone the hash went to an on after at a fly bar. No, not fly as in cool, fly as in countless insects and no A/C. The beer was good and the pigeon (chicken) was excellent. The weekend ended in a teary eyed road rules goodbye and wishes to cum again next year.

On-on

"Just" Rod (This was written by "Just" Rod, revisions done by...BEG)