For those of you confused it is Cunning Runts not "Cunts" as Bitch 'N Hoe listed. Oh, also just because they are Hussie only events does NOT mean we are lesbians. While I admit I have not had much sex with opposite sex recently, does not mean that I'm now sleeping with women. Besides if anyone is switching teams it's WD-30 since she's been visiting lesbian bars with her "friends".

Saturday got off to a rough start when I woke at 6am to heavy rain. Well that just won't do, I can't run are you people nuts, how can I pre-lay trail in the darn rain??? Who sells water proof sidewalk chalk? Can I lay the trail in match box cars or something?? My temporary RA powers for the day finally kicked in the rain held off. So I loaded up the car and headed for Repeat's house to start drinking.

I got there about 10:30am and immediately located the booze and got to it. It was at this point when I asked Repeat why her pool was grass green, she states the filter broke and was just replaced. We proceeded with the help of Down
Wendy to dump every chemical known to the pool store into the pool with hopes that it might clear up. It never did. Sunday morning you could see the bottom finally. The pool was the first thing on Saturday to earn a new hash name.

It shall forever been know as: Nessie. At one point we thought it might eat a dog or kid. Well I tried to feed the pool the kids, I thought what better way to offer up a sacrifice to the hashing gods. Unfortunately, someone pointed out that  Nessie may not even want the kids, apparently having more robust appetite for naked adult hashers. Anyways, the hash goes on, we will survive with out pool access.

The Hussies finally started to arrive and get this, we started exactly ten minutes prior to my pre-determined start time. Well wonders never cease!

The pack consisting of: Womb Service, Repeat, Down Wendy, Mount and Spread, Bush Stradler, Just Jessica, and co-hare WD-30. I forgot the two 4 legged members.

Just Aubrey and Just Dodger. Yes, Dodger "was" a boy dog at one point in his life but not anymore. I may be missing someone since I was drinking, sorry! They were faster than a speeding bullet! Well okay, slower than a hyper dog
pulling on a leash. They arrived at the Beer Near near exhaustion to enjoy a few ice cold beverages before they got back on the trail.

Meanwhile, back at the On-In we prepared cheese, crackers, crab dip, spinach dip, and the all important Oreo's. When the packed arrived we started in on the 12 bottles of wine. We had enough for about two bottles per Hussie. Now just because we had that much did NOT mean we actually need to try and drink it all. Not the type to back down from a challenge we Hussied up and each did our part to keep that evil wine from falling into the hands of less experienced
drinkers.

Even more shocking is we did manage to finish the trail under 6 hours, another miracle. We finished trail quickly, so I admit it was not a complicated trail but since we had more important things to do like drink and get spa treatments. We
had plenty of time to wind down after trail before the Spa Fairy made her appearance. So after snacking we started circle and were joined by Repeat's house guest, a 24 year old guy.

Circle was filled with your normal trail crimes and punishments, also with some new.  Most notably was allowing dog sex on trail. Aubrey, the female dog felt it would be a good idea to give the formally male dog, Dodger, a doggie blow job at the Beer Near! It was later revealed that she was just paying Dodger for his previous services along the same lines.

After a quick vote it was decided that Just Aubrey should be known as Lick-guini.  Say it fast people!

So more drinking, more down-downs, several runs to the potty later the virgin Just Jackie was explaining how she has this "friend" who is honest to goodness a male porn start (straight porn not gay) and has "benefits". She was extolling his physical characteristics and kept repeating that she was kinda sore. Then she kept repeating that she was kinda sore! Well, we couldn't pass up on that moment of sheer self naming perfection so we grabbed some crackers and green pool water and named her: Kinda Sore.

Meanwhile, Repeat's house guest, having finished his second beer decided that we were all man-haters, so we duct taped him to the chair and instructed him zip it or be gagged. He just could not carry any type of logical conversation after that point. He was going on about how he got kicked off Nashville Star and that was some great singer but was told he was too "metro". He refused to sing, we tried to bribe him with more booze, we offered to sing along, you name it and he said he couldn't do that because it was too much pressure. Hello??? Why are you trying to get on American Idol and Nashville Star then? It was a very lame excuse, followed by more lame excuses and because he REALLY disliked being called lame, of course we kept doing it! He disliked it so much we decided that why not just name him too. We didn't want Kinda Sore to have to drink alone, so what better way to make sure when "one Kinda drinks, all Kinda's have drink"? You got it, male house guest now Kinda Lame. It's also a very fitting name because the little boy had to be put to bed about 10pm, but the girls were up till about 1:30am drinking, and he was drinking crappy lite beer verses our $3/bottle wine. If you can't drink with the big girls stay out of the slumber party!

Shortly after the namings the spa fairy made her appearance and we had facials, manicure and pedicures. We also gave Kinda Lame a facial and Pre-Cum who was there to pick up Down Wendy for the Stone tasting. He was thrilled! He
tried to make a run for it but since he was on crutches we caught him. He liked it so much that he volunteered to make a Jack in the Box run just to get away. He returned with the burgers, tossed them in the door and waited for the frenzy then grabbed Down Wendy and executed a perfect escape.

From here the drunk dialing and text messaging ensued, followed by popcorn and movies, then the group orgy! Most of us were up until about 1:30am before finally calling it a night!

All and all a very successfully hash! Next hash will be September 22nd and Bush Stradler is haring, stay tuned for more details. Also, October 28th will be a Halloween scavenger hunt hash!

Thank you, we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view, now come closer...so I can slap you.

Nikki "TnT" Barton