Feeling too important to wait 3 minutes for a beer Heiferfearzen decided to cross the street and get a beer at another bar. Mount N Spread had her tits stuck in the Mammogram machine so she was dragged over with him. In an odd coincidence Victor Victoria was stuck in MnS so he, in turn, was dragged behind her. As the crawl came to a close, the Phoenix hash was set to return to a local grease hole before passing out, but not before U'ser and Lo'ser (or however the hell we are spelling it now) hit every wall in the bar and fell off every bar stool and toilet seat, in an effort not to repeat her Rocky Point experience Mount N Spread found a Steady Teddy and used the famous hand on ass stabilization technique throughout the night, Just Lisa gave away condoms way too big for any male hasher...but would be about right for most of the female hashers, happy face "whistles", wwjd lanyards, and crosses to remind us all why Jesus can't go hashing. After filling their bellies (and arteries) and getting very little sleep due to screaming cumming from one of the hotel rooms until 6:00 am, the hash awoke to The Human Highlighter leaving Use Her and Loser's room with a smile on his face and 5 bucks in his hand. SATURDAY:The Phoenix HHH holding off vomit, urine, and death made their way to their vehicles and (eventually) made their way to the start of the Tour. Rolling in smelling like a group of stray dogs after a night of on the rag sex...The Las Vegas HHH showed up as well. Hash IThe hash hit the trail through the park and into every deep, soft, sandy wash in Tucson. There were also certain spots that were no blows which upset all of the hash. The dehydrated hounds fought their way through the unseasonably hot day looking for the first beer check to find some relief from the sun and re-lube. Their wishes fell upon deaf ears as the 6 mile trail went straight through. Underestimating the amount of water that would be consumed at the end of the first trail, the hounds found themselves contemplating licking each other in order to get some liquid. Victor Victoria could have rang out his mangled pirate? shirt and made a wet drink for the hash, but he was selfish and kept it all to himself. During Circle the visitors, returners, studs, and others drank. The Tucson hash showed their amazing ability to memorize 3 songs and repeat only those three throughout circle. Hash IIAs the second hash started the Thoughts started to arrive of "This is more stupider than the most stupidest stupid." Through the streets of Tucson went the hash as Victor Victoria saw a ripped large breasted woman running down the street, but after Studmuffin ran by there was another one. Victor Expressed how it was boring running alone and she should run with us. She was on her way over then saw Brown Eye and said she wasn't into that. Luckily Victor was able to find a lovely white skinned, long straight black haired, thing covered in a black cape sitting on the ground in the shadow of a bus stop overhang. She/He was into that and Brown Eye was nice enough to oblige. All the hounds could see in front of them was an ass and someone's clit talking. It was saying (in a wet muffled voice) "I'm gonna be FRB and none of you tinklers are gonna stop me!" Of course the clit was upstaged by the short cutting bastards and took major offense to them the rest of the weekend. Circle once again had three songs and the same damn people drank that drank before. Hash IIIThe third hash went through the most beautiful ghettos in Tucson. That damn talking clit was nice enough to exclaim such in front of the houses that had their occupants doing yard work out front. No gunshots were heard, but the area was a quiet zone and silencers were required on all guns. The trail went toward a wash which some of Tucson's finest hashers followed for 4 miles after a YBF and ended up on the fourth trail. The intelligent. ..well more intelligent hashers followed the true trail to the sports bar BEER CHECK!!! Finally!. The hash was able to catch up on the latest from the world of college football and with 2 minutes left in two close games, the hounds were ordered on-out. 12 feet after the Beer check was the on-in. Circle was finally broken up a bit with a wondrous rendition of "Jesus can't go Hashing". 3 hours later the song was concluded and the hash was ready for this shit to be done. Hash IVHash four was the epitomy of a shitty trail. The trail was followed for at least 50 feet before it was lost completely. Plenty of marks were found from the first trail, but none for the fourth. When the trail was finally found the hounds followed it through another park and onto the turkey/eagle split. More hashers than normal wanked it on the turkey, however, those that stuck to it and went on the eagle were blessed with spending their run looking for trail. When it was found, it was confusing. Half the eagles found a cemetery trail with a women asking them in the middle of 3000 tombstones if they knew they were running in a cemetery. They said "Yes we do and we are necrophiliacs" A short beer check was found and the hash made their way through the final wash to the on-in. Circle was more active because the hounds were extremely happy to have finished. On-AfterIt was finally time for the hash to have a good meal. A fine steak dinner was provided and beer was flowing faster than a gay man to the TV during the new season of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. The un-showered hashers jumped in the pool to clean off. Some decided that swimming suits would take too much time to put on so the inevitable naked era of the tour de Tucson started. Amazingly small male genetalia was seen on those that seemed to have to part their hair to take a crap. The hot tub seemed to be an exciting spot as 3IY and was playing the roll of Sister Bermingham and could not keep his hands off the choir girl next to him in the tub. Us'er and Los'er was serenaded by studmuffin on what certain hashers would like to do to her. She was not impressed due to her vast experience and told him that if there weren't at least 5 guys it is not even worth it. B-Flat agreed and then took off to a "party" with Victor. There was some activity near the fireplace as well where notes were taken for a possible naming later. While pre-lubing for the Hangover Hash, Fatty and Papa, much like children at Chistmastime, couldn't wait for 3IY to show them his many pictures on Papa's big screen. 852 pictures later, their motive was revealed as Mount N Spread was treated to a gallery af ass and dick along with some recommended hash readings. All was fine except that Fatty and Papa were too drunk to get it up, (the flash that is) leaving the photos grainy and dark, not that the pictures would have been that impressive anyway. They also revealed the wallpaper and and hompage on Dr. Whacksalot's computer were changed to SHAT...the fecalabia equivalent of a website.
SUNDAY:Hangover HashThe hangover hash started with early morning mimosas and bloody marys. Trail was laid with many YBFs and one true trail after the hare's bag broke and leaked out for about a quarter mile. This made it really hard to follow. Running down allies and broke roads most of the hash finally ended up at another sports bar to catch up on the NFL activities of the day. Fatty showed up much later, taking a lesson from saturday's "run until you find something" idea. The hounds took off after the beer check with that lousy clit talking about them being at least 2 miles from the park...3 blocks later they came upon the park to find more beer and food. Circle was conducted by the hares, but was kicked up a notch from Saturday. There was a naming as well. The lovely sextortionist' s mom was called into circle. She described how it had been 18 years since her last lay. She was also asked what her favorite size of lumber was, who her favorite child was, and how much she liked changing diapers. After much deliberation of names like Change My Diaper and 18 Year Itch, she was finally named (in the ever creative Tucson names) "I Got Laid". The hash finally went to get a piece and the ridiculous Hash de Tucson weekend was finally over.

Brown Eye Gril