We arrived to see the hares sitting in lawn chairs, dressed much like they would for any other hash. After receiving considerable poo-poo about his choice of attire, UPMS assured us that he brought his mom, but that she would "join us later". More on that later in the story. After School Special swore up and down that "my mom really dresses like this", implying that her Mom has a closet full of hash attire at home. Lame! Speaking of lame, a number of other hashers showed utter disrespect for their Mothers and didn't see the point of either bringing Mom or dressing like her. Too
Short for example, wore plain old shorts and his nicest sweatshirt (!). Evidently he was having a fat day and claimed none of his dresses fit any more. We chided him until he was forced to console himself with several ice cold Milwaukee's  Beasts. That'll teach him. By the way, by the end of the trail, he was down to 95 pounds after his self imposed sauna session. Wombie on the other hand, decided that flip flops were appropriate footwear since all she needed to do with her feet was operate the gas and brake pedals in her auto-hash chariot.

We had one newbie show up- Just Mike, a strapping young lad who was getting his fair share of attention from the ladies. Evidently he had met some hashers in St. Louis who had shown him the Lite(tm). Just Courtney, a veteran of several wednesday Hump D' Hashes decided to try out a saturday run for a change. Ima Luuuger, a veteran of several wednesday Hump D' Hashes decided to try out a saturday run for a change. Just Gretchen decided to come out to see if she could find any more interesting garbage on trail. Ice Chest came out since she wanted to run, joined by Pocket Rocket who came out since he wanted to run in a dress.

Okay, enough of that. After 69derthal led us in a rousing rendition of Father Abraham, the pack set off on trail on time (about 45 minutes late). The trail initially took us down the south bank of the Town Lake toward Tempe Beach Park. As most of the pack set off on a false trail into the new office/condo towers next to the lake, a rather angry female(?) security
guard came out to tell us to "respect her authoritah" by not hashing in her area of control. So, not wanting to be tazed or otherwise manhandled by her, we smiled and quickly ran away to find trail. As we passed under the Mill Ave. bridge, Daily Male spotted what appeared to be a finish line banner for some picnic that was being set up. She dashed for it while
talking about how she wanted to run through the finish line. Major trail crime there, honey. However, she ran out of gas before making it all the way there. Like a true hasher! As we ran past the kids' water park pay area, Nordy was reminded of the terms of his probation and made sure to stay more than 50 feet away. Then we approached Ash St. and came upon...

... our first BN! Actually it was a MN, which stands not for Minnesota, but for Mom Near. UPMS's Mom to be exact. She was there with her new car waiting to dole out Kool Aid (plus) shots to the thirsty hashers. As we sipped the 'Aid, an unshaven, unshowered man appeared claiming to be Jim Jones and commented about how good the Kool Aid looked. Unlike the original, we figured out that this Jim Jones would go away if we gave him a dollar. (Thanks to Dinghy for thinking on his feet.)

After that we became aware that the hares weren't very good about marking turns. During a search for one such missing turn, Daily Male and Just Gretchen decided that The Depot Cantina was the place to go. So they went there. Unfortunately for them, the trail did not. It did go to the Tavern on Mill, where frosty beers were provided by the hares and all was forgiven (for the moment, anyway). BMWT and auto hasher Wombie disappeared, then BMWT reappeared with different clothes and sensible (trail worthy) shoes. Wombie stuck with the flip flops. After we drive out most of the bar with our singing, we left to follow trail again. Too Short, now in the early stages of heat stroke, was spotted trying to make an "Astro Turf Angel" in the fake grass next to a parking garage. You never would have thought it would work, but the sweat stain he left on the turf did look like a snow angel.

The next stop was at the bar on University that used to be Dos Gringo's Trailer Park, where we annoyed and shocked the customers for about 1/2 an hour. From there the trail went into the ASU campus, only to return over the walkway bridge towards Wells Fargo Arena, where commencement ceremonies were going on. As we ran by, one parent was heard saying to his teenage son, "See those people? If you don't stay in school you'll end up like them." At some point the rumor was started that the next BN was going to be at Sixshooters on Rural. So we all went there. It was a trick! Okay, it
wasn't a trick, it was just a false rumor. But along the way there, Just Gretchen true to form found a whiffle ball and a bat (table leg) and decided to bring them along with her, forcing various hashers to pitch to her. She batted about a .175. Tough luck.

Once we found out that the Sixshooters BN story was a big steaming crock o' poop, we picked up trail again and took it to the on-in. The trail was A to A so we were near all the cars. So, we munched on Cum Again's fine array or munchies and prepared for circle. After Nordy started the proceedings and it was confirmed that the trail did indeed suck, saturday newbie Ima Luuuger came up with a half-baked story about being something called the "Great Pretender" and that he should assume to role of RA since that's what this imaginary role is supposed to do. Since he was wearing a dress, no one
argued with him. He proceeded to punish members of the pack for their trail crimes (and yes, the trail WAS a crime).

Once circle ended, and we swung low, we went off to the new Dos Gringos for on-after evening of cage dancing, libations, and greasy food.

on-on!

***Attendance* **
Hares: UPMS and A.S.S.
B-Flat
BMWT
Bush Yakker
Cum Again?
Daily Male
French Me Tunnel
Ice Chest
Ima Luuuger
Just Courtney
Just Gretchen
Just Mike (virgin)
Little Dingy
Nor-Dick
Pocket Rocket Salt Around The Rim
69derthal
Swollen Hole
Too Short
Victor Victoria
WTFRU
Womb Service