Well it has been a few days since the Hump so my memory is fuzzy and I will make this brief! Rabid showed up, donated a 12 pack of Natural Light to the Hump � still collected his 1$. Pink and Luuuger were hares. Ran for a bit, found a Bag Piper practicing in a tunnel under the golf course = cool! Ran some more, got snared. Just Liz (Virgin) was handed a water bottle filled with flour by Pink and took a BIG sip thinking it was water. Promptly spit out the flour and water at Pink. Threats of a naming ensued. BBAG and Nappy Headed Homo took over haring. Good trail followed. Turned into long humid death march = typical hash. Got back to Zipps after 5-6 miles (depending on who's GPS you believed) Ballzheimers and Nappy discovered 2 40 oz's in the cooler. Everyone drank the Natural Lights. Unnamed masses sent into the bar. Named hashers tried to name a few people, weren't drunk enough. Gave up and went into bar to drink more.

That's it! See you this Wednesday!

ON-ON

Luuuger

Stat Hell...

23 humps so far

Most Attended:

21 - Brown Eye Girl
20 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
20 - Ima Luuuger
19 - Pre Cum
16 - My Clit Talks
16 - Happy Birthday, Fuck You (HBFU)
15 - Out Of Order
15 - Heiferfearzen
13 - Mount 'N Spread
13 - My Name Is Insignificant

Longest Streak:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Broken
10 - HBFU - Broken
10 - Pre Cum - Broken
8 - Ima Luuuger - Ongoing
6 - Rabid Transit - Ongoing
6 - Just Curt - Ongoing
4 - Heiferfearzen - Ongoing
4 - Just Jackie - Ongoing
4 - Just Jessica - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More)
No Award Yet - Thinking about a Patch....

Who will be the first non-Head(!)master dis-honored member?
Still no sign of U-HAL (The hole Pink dumped her in must have been pretty deep!) so Pink has expanded her lead by 2. BEG and HBFU are out of town so they are dead in the water. Looks like if Pink can keep up her pace she may just be unbeatable!

Little Pink - Needs 5 Humps - odds: 1 pays 1.25 (worse)
Use Her and Loser - Needs 7 Humps - odds: 1 pays 1.75 (better)
Mount 'N Spread - Needs 12 Humps - odds:1 pays 3 (better)
HBFU - Needs 13 Humps (Head(!)Mistress - The Next Generation))
Brown Eye Girl - Needs 13 Humps - odds:1 pays 3 (same)
Out Of Order - Needs 13 Humps - odds:1 pays 3 (same)


Dis-honored Members:
Allofher Fist (Ret. Original Head(!)Mistress)
Heiferfearzen (Original Head(!)Master)
Ima Luuuger (Founding Head(!) Master)

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

BBAG - Awarded!
Rabid Transit - Needs 1 Humps
IKOG - Needs 2 Humps
Victor/Victoria - Needs 3 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 5 Humps
My Name Is Chuck - Needs 4 Humps

3.22.82 - Hump D' Zippidy Do Da Attendance: 17

Ballzheimers
Beat By A Girl - Hare
Cockwork Orange
Heiferfearzen
I Fucked My Sister
IKOG
Ima Luuuger - Hare
Just Bill
Just Colin
Just Curt
Just Donovan - Virgin
Just Jackie
Just Jessica
Just Liz - Virgin
Little Pink - Hare
Nappy Headed Homo - Hare
Rabid Transit

Well we finally did it! We set a new Hump record for attendance! 28 sullied souls came out to run around Tempe and drink a beer or 3! Little Dinghy showed up for drinks, but when he found out he could break the record, ponied up his $1 to become #28! He apparently pulled something during "Today is Monday" and wasn't able to run, however. We had two new hashers join our ranks, Nappy Headed Homo a transplant from the bay area(?) and Just Leilani who is a transplant from Long Beach. Make sure to give 'em a wave and a grope next time you see them!

We made our way out of Bison Witch's to the chalk talk...did the whole speal and then gave IKOG and Nappy the honors of haring. Managed to sing "Today is Monday" properly. I think the fact that we were standing 20 feet from a mosque aided my concentration. I am sure they were very pleased. Someone noticed that mixed in with the water there were a few beers in the cooler and a melee ensued! Too bad there were 28 hashers and only 5 beers! Just Jackie managed to guilt Luuuger into giving her his Busch Beer only to drop it when it was tossed to her, turning perfectly good free beer into foam. Boos followed. As we all introduced ourselves, Just Anna was a bit pissy that she was still "Just Anna" (she has attended 9 Humps) - Problem with that girl is she just attends to sporadically! Be careful what you wish for!

IKOG and Nappy ran us all over hell and back and jumped over every fence in Tempe. Over, under, through and around, we made our way. They didn't ever lose us on trail too bad and we all made it back to the bar in record time (8:15 pm I think!) after a mere 4.69 miles. We all still agreed however, the trail sucked. They always do...

On-on

Ima Luuuger

Stat Hell...

22 humps so far

Most Attended:

21 - Brown Eye Girl
20 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
19 - Ima Luuuger
19 - Pre Cum
16 - My Clit Talks
16 - Happy Birthday, Fuck You (HBFU)
15 - Out Of Order
14 - Heiferfearzen
13 - Mount 'N Spread
13 - My Name Is Insignificant

Longest Streak:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Broken
10 - HBFU - Broken
10 - Brown Eye Girl - Ongoing
10 - Pre Cum - Ongoing
7 - Ima Luuuger - Ongoing
6 - Use Her and Loser - Ongoing
5 - Rabid Transit - Ongoing
5 - Just Curt - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More)
No Award Yet - Thinking about a Patch....

Who will be the first non-Head(!)master dis-honored member?
Well apparently Use Her took our advice last week as Pink didn't show up and is supposedly in "Paris" - putting the two of them in a dead heat. I love when harriets are in heat!

Little Pink - Needs 6 Humps - odds: 1 pays 1.5 (better payout)
Use Her and Loser - Needs 7 Humps - odds: 1 pays 1.5 (same)
Mount'N Spread - Needs 12 Humps - odds:1 pays 2 (same)
HBFU - Needs 13 Humps (Head(!)Mistress - The Next Generation))
Brown Eye Girl - Needs 13 Humps - odds:1 pays 3 (same)
Out Of Order - Needs 13 Humps - odds:1 pays 3 (same)

Dis-honored Members:
Allofher Fist (Ret. Original Head(!)Mistress)
Heiferfearzen (Original Head(!)Master)
Ima Luuuger (Founding Head(!) Master)

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

BBAG - Needs 1 Hump
Rabid Transit - Needs 2 Humps
Victor/Victoria - Needs 3 Humps
IKOG - Needs 3 Humps
My Name Is Chuck - Needs 4 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 5 Humps

3.22.82 - Hump D' Witch Attendance: 28

Ballzheimers
Book Mark
Brown Eye Girl
Bush Yakker
Can't Cum On Saturday
Heiferfearzen
IKOG - Hare
Ima Luuuger
Little Dinghy
My Name Is Insignificant
Nappy Headed Homo - Hare
Just Anna
Just Bill
Just Curt
Just Dinah
Just Jackie
Just Jessica
just Leilani
Just Mike
Just Rhonda
Out Of Order
Pre Cum
Rabid Transit
Salt Around the Rim
Tortoise Coitus
Use Her and Loser
Victor Victoria
Who Gives A Shit

Some idiot planned a Hump, in downtown, while a baseball game AND something at the Orpheum was going on! Who the hell would do that? I think it must have been HBFU, but don't look to me to point the finger (besides you never know where it's been)! Well we collected 19 Humpers plus a reporter from Phoenix Woman magazine at McCaffrey's. The soon-to-start game and happy hour crowd was wedged us into the back of the joint, but somehow we made do as the beer kept flowing. Outside we went, where Luuuger and HBFU ran everybody through the basics and then Luuuger and Brown Eye took off to lay trail. I hear tell that HBFU skipped the traditional "Today is Monday" (all the grrrls seemed a bit shy around our intrepid reporter) and instead did a few verses of "I used to work in Chicago". BEG and Luuuger wound around town a bit, (dropping by Luuugers's car to drop off the clipboard) only to be snared by Out of Order and Bridgette at Chase Field. Apparently our reporter had dropped out after 500 yards - she had come wearing jeans, and Pink was mighty proud to have run someone into the ground! Some interesting (eh-hem) trail marks ensued, with parallel trails running on both sides of the road, arrows going in multiple di-erections with no check and a package and boob check at the same intersection. We were finally led down the railroad tracks near the stadium, only to be told by security guards that we were trespassing. Pre Cum's reply was best that maybe next time they should try marking that a little better as there were no signs (not like that would have changed anything!)

We kept on for a bit until we had to jump over or squeeze through a 10 foot fence, with cops waiting on the other side. Apparently, they were infinitely less worried about our crimes and after talking to a few of the FRB's, forgave us our trespasses - as we should forgive those who trespass against us! A few stragglers who were scared off by the rent-a-cops reconnected with the pack and BEG and Pre Cum took over. We then continued to make friends with a whole new group of security guards in a parking structure not 50 feet from where the first group got their panties in a bunch. Apparently our chalk markings were to blame and after a tongue lashing by Victor on the wanker-ness of their attitude, the gaggle of rent-a-wrecks proceeded to spit on our marks in an effort to erase them from existence....

Being as downtown is on a grid, (damn you grid) it wasn't long before the hares were spotted by Just Jess(ica) and Luuuger who promptly snared BEG and ran a bit with him to get Pre Cum. Just Jess and Luuuger ran for what may be the shortest Haring ever as they circled too close to a false trail they had laid and were snared almost immediately. Just Curt and Just Mike took over and finished us into the bar for a bit of so-so food and a few warm beers.

On-on

Ima Luuuger

Stat Hell...

21 humps so far

Most Attended:

20 - Brown Eye Girl
19 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
18 - Ima Luuuger
18 - Pre Cum
16 - My Clit Talks
16 - Happy Birthday, Fuck You (HBFU)
13 - Mount 'N Spread
14 - Out Of Order
13 - Heiferfearzen

Longest Streak:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Broken
10 - HBFU - Broken
9 - Ima Luuuger - Broken
9 - Brown Eye Girl - Ongoing
9 - Pre Cum - Ongoing
6 - Ima Luuuger - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More)
No Award Yet - Thinking about a Patch....

Who will be the first non-Head(!)master dis-honored member?
Pink seems to have it in the bag, unless UHAL can make like Tanya Harding and take a steel pipe to her knee. HB and BEG will be gone for a bit and MNS has been a no show for the last 2 weeks.

Little Pink - Needs 6 Humps - odds: 2 pays 1 (worse payout)
Use Her and Loser - Needs 8 Humps - odds: 1 pays 1.5 (better payout)
Mount'N Spread - Needs 12 Humps - odds:1 pays 2 (better payout)
HBFU - Needs 14 Humps (Head(!)Mistress - The Next Generation))
Brown Eye Girl - Needs 14 Humps - odds:1 pays 3 (better payout)
Out OF Order - Needs 14 Humps - odds:1 pays 2

Dis-honored Members:
Allofher Fist (Ret. Original Head(!)Mistress)
Heiferfearzen (Original Head(!)Master)
Ima Luuuger (Founding Head(!) Master)

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

BBAG - Needs 1 Hump
Rabid Transit - Needs 3 Humps
Victor/Victoria - Needs 4 Humps
IKOG - Needs 4 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 5 Humps
My Name Is Chuck - Needs 5 Humps

3.20.80 - Hump D' Leprechaun Attendance: 19

B-Flat
Ballzheimers - Hare
Book Mark - Hare
Bridgette - Hare
Brown Eye Girl - Hare
Happy Birthday, Fuck you
Heiferfearzen
Ima Luuuger - Hare
Just Curt
Just Jackie
Just Jessica - Hare
Just Michael
Little Pink
Out Of Order - Hare
Pre Cum - Hare
Rabid Transit - Hare
Total Flamer
Use Her and Loser
Victor Victoria

23 of 24 Humpers surveyed agree that Gallagher's worked out great this week for a fun little two-parter! After Heifer gave chalk talk and we met the virgin's (Just Rhonda, Just Bill and Just Jessica) Luuuger finally gave My Clit Talks her well deserved 25 Hump Lanyard - right before she leaves town for 3 months! He then went on to actually complete "Today is Monday" in its entirety without f'n up! I know, hard to believe, but true. Hey 28th time's the charm! Bookmark and Cockwork took over haring duties and set out. They led for a good bit before being snared by BEG and Rabid Transit. They led us on a nice little trail until they too were snared - by the walkers! Guess that's another good reason to not cross trail - or cum anywhere near the old one! Rabid ran up the side of the mountain alone for no particular reason - other than allow us to mock him for his competitive behavior. Pre-Cum and Heiferfearzen took over and led us all through some washes and a tunnel or two that turned into super-spiky-shiggy lost-trail hell. Don't ask me how, but someone, somehow, eventually found trail (required jumping a chain link fence or two) which head(!)ed back to the bar. Grand total of mileage: 3 miles.

Well it was hot, and it felt like more than 3 miles, but some jackass made a comment about playing the "back 9" and of course yours truly is stupid enough to take them up on the offer. So I grabbed the bag and Virgin Just Jessica volunteered to cum with. We set off and laid another 3+ miles of trail in the other di-erection for those stupid enough to follow. We laid trail as best we could, knowing that it was dark and nobody had flashlights. We eventually had to cross trail and of course, got snared for our stupidity. We actually caught up tp the rest of the pack. Someone saw us from a distance and asked if we were on, to which I replied "Checking!" - maybe I shouldn't have chosen that exact moment to lay flour with the tennis ball. And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those damn kids! Cockwork and Virgin Just Jessica pretty much just ran it in to finish us off. I love when Cockwork finishes me off, Virgin Just Jessica was a bonus.

On-on

Ima Luuuger

Stat Hell...

20 humps so far

Most Attended:

19 - Brown Eye Girl
18 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
17 - Ima Luuuger
17 - Pre Cum
16 - My Clit Talks
15 - Happy Birthday, Fuck You (HBFU)
13 - Mount 'N Spread
13 - Out Of Order
12 - Heiferfearzen

Longest Streak:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Broken
11 - HBFU - Broken
10 - Ima Luuuger - Broken
8 - Brown Eye Girl - Ongoing
8 - Pre Cum - Ongoing
5 - Ima Luuuger - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More)
No Award Yet - Thinking about a Patch....

Who will be the first non-Head(!)master dis-honored member?
Pink has shown the fight and stamina to go all the way, but with Use Her and Loser hot on her heels, these are definitely your two favorites. BEG, an early crowd favorite is fading in the standings, not because he doesn't have the legs to keep up, he just was too late out the gate. Mount �N Spread probably blew her chance at the long-shot underdog bid by being a no show this week.

Little Pink - Needs 7 Humps - odds: Even (worse payout)
Use Her and Loser - Needs 9 Humps - odds: 1 pays 1.25 (better payout)
Mount'N Spread - Needs 12 Humps - odds:1 pays 1.75 (better payout)
HBFU - Needs 14 Humps (Head(!)Mistress - The Next Generation))
Brown Eye Girl - Needs 15 Humps - odds:1 pays 2 (better payout)

Dis-honored Members:
Allofher Fist (Ret. Original Head(!)Mistress)
Heiferfearzen (Original Head(!)Master)
Ima Luuuger (Founding Head(!) Master)

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

My Clit Talks - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
BBAG - Needs 1 Humps
IKOG - Needs 4 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 4 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 5 Humps
Victor/Victoria - Needs 5 Humps
My Name Is Chuck - Needs 5 Humps

3.20.80 - Hump D' Watermelon Attendance: 24

B-Flat
Book Mark - Hare
Brown Eye Girl - Hare
Bush Yakker
Cockwork Orange
Heiferfearzen - Hare
Ima Luuuger - Hare
Just Anna
Just Bill - Virgin
Just Curt
Just Dinah
Just Jackie
Just Jessica - Virgin - Hare
Just Michael
Just Rhonda - Virgin
Little Pink
Milkman
My Clit Talks
My Name Is Insignificant
Out Of Order
Pre Cum - Hare
Rabid Transit - Hare
Use Her and Loser
Victor Victoria

Cherry Picker was there from the start but couldn't run.

Fun, fun, fun! The weather blessed us with an overcast afternoon, allowing the 27 (an attendance high for this year and tying the all time record set on 9/12/07) of us a respite from the searing heat! Finally doing his duty (I said duty!), Luuuger finally handed out name badges to everyone who earned them months ago. After giving chalk talk, Luuuger and Brown Eye Girl volunteered to hare leaving 'Today is Monday' and introductions in the capable hands and mouth of the Head(!)Mistress HBFU. The hares ran this week's Humpers through multiple adjacent check-backs, alleys and neighborhood fun. All this culminated in a surprise beer check at Luuuger's friend JD's house (Fuck JD!) at mile 3.69. A few poor bastards gave up blocks away to head back to the bar - If only they had known the sweet nectar was mere feet away!

At the house, Just Sue (virgin) managed to lie down on an obviously broken, foldable cot for a bit of rest - one set of legs were stuck in the wrong position. Somehow, in collapsing the whole thing and falling to the ground on it, she actually managed to force the mal-adjusted legs into the correct position and fix it! I am pretty sure there is a name in there somewhere.

Pre Cum and Beat By A Girl then took over haring duties and led the pack through the more ghetto-ish parts of the hood. The whole pack had to be hijacked back from Mount 'n Spread who was quietly zen-ing the pack back to the bar - I swear that woman can't be trusted with a trail! After a particularly ugly CB, the pack found itself faced with climbing a 12 foot wall behind Wal-Mart at Thomas (I wonder who's idea that was, BBAG?) Trying to be nice, your humble Head(!)Master brought a stray shopping cart to the wall to get a bunch of stranded Humpers off, of it, only to drop it on his big toe! I ended up going to Steer Queer's house Thursday so he could do some minor surgery and melt a hole in my toenail to let out the pressure! Thank G for medically inclined hashers!

We finally returned to the bar to find lots of hungry, hungry hashers (shortcutting bastards!) munching away on Luuuger's Pulled (My) Pork and Pole Slaw. The rest of the pack arrived after a total of 6.3 miles and the eating and the drinking commenced in earnest and good times were enjoyed by all.

On-on

Ima Luuuger

Stat Hell...

19 humps so far

Most Attended:

18 - Brown Eye Girl
17 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
16 - Ima Luuuger
16 - Pre Cum
15 - My Clit Talks
15 - Happy Birthday, Fuck You (HBFU)
13 - Mount 'N Spread
12 - Out Of Order
11 - Heiferfearzen

Longest Streak:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Broken
10 - HBFU - Ongoing
9 - Ima Luuuger - Broken
7 - Brown Eye Girl - Ongoing
7 - Pre Cum - Ongoing
4 - Blade Runner - Ongoing
4 - Ima Luuuger - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More)
No Award Yet - Thinking about a Patch....

Who will be the first non-Head(!)master dis-honored member?

Little Pink - Needs 8 Humps - odds:1 pays 1.5 (worse)
Use Her and Loser - Needs 10 Humps - odds:3 pays 2 (same)
Mount'N Spread - Needs 12 Humps - odds:3 pays 2.25 (same)
HBFU - Needs 14 Humps (Head(!)Mistress - The Next Generation))
Brown Eye Girl - Needs 16 Humps - odds:1 pays 1.25 (better)

Dis-honored Members:
Allofher Fist (Ret. Original Head(!)Mistress)
Heiferfearzen (Original Head(!)Master)
Ima Luuuger (Founding Head(!) Master)

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

My Clit Talks - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
BBAG - Needs 1 Humps
IKOG - Needs 4 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 5 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 5 Humps
Victor/Victoria - Needs 6 Humps
My Name Is Chuck - Needs 6 Humps

3.19.79 - Hump D' Snare Attendance: 27

Ballzheimers
Beat By A Girl - Hare
Blade Runner
Bridgette
Brown Eye Girl - Hare
Bush Yakker
Cockwork Orange
Happy Birthday, FU
Ima Luuuger - Hare
Just Anna
Just Curt
Just Max
Just Michael
Just Sam
Just Sue
Just Travis
Little Dinghy
Little Pink
Milkman
Mount n Spread
My Name Is Insignificant
Out Of Order
Pre Cum - Hare
Rabid Transit
Total Flamer
Use Her and Loser
What's the Age of Consent In Japan (WACIJ)

Well as happens every year, the hotter it gets, the more Humpers we get! This week we pulled 26! Lanyards were handed out to Pre-Cum and Brown Eye Girl for attending 25 Humps (which they both did a while ago) and My Clit Talk was treated like a red-headed step-child and didn't get the lanyard she so richly deserved - problems in shipping I guess. Luuuger made the biggest wreckage so far of "Today is Monday" (quite the show!) and we ran through 6 hares. We ran 4.69 miles exactly (seriously!) and enjoyed $1 PBR's at Stray Cats. Thanks to everybody who showed up!

Stat Hell...

18 humps so far

Most Attended:

17 - Brown Eye Girl - (Correction +1 didn't record one he took records for)
16 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
15 - Luuuger
15 - My Clit Talks
15 - Pre Cum
14 - HBFU
12 - Mount 'N Spread
11 - Out Of Order
11 - Heiferfearzen

Longest Streak:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Broken
9 - Luuuger - Broken
9 - HBFU - Ongoing
6 - Brown Eye Girl - Ongoing
6 - Pre Cum - Ongoing
4 - My Clit Talks - Ongoing
4 - Just Dinah - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More)
No Award Yet - Thinking about a Patch....

Little Pink - Needs 9 Humps - Odds: 1 pays 2
Use Her and Loser - Needs 11 Humps - Odds: 3 pays 2
Mount'N Spread - Needs 13 Humps - Odds: 3 pays 2.25
HBFU - Needs 15 Humps (Head(!)Mistress - The Next Generation))
Brown Eye Girl - Needs 17 Humps - Odds: Even


Dis-honored Members:
Allofher Fist (Ret. Original Head(!)Mistress)
Heiferfearzen (Original Head(!)Master)
Ima Luuuger (Founding Head(!) Master)

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

My Clit Talks - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
BBAG - Needs 2 Humps
IKOG - Needs 4 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 5 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 6 Humps
Victor/Victoria - Needs 6 Humps
My Name Is Chuck - Needs 7 Humps

3.18.78 - Hump D' Pussy Attendance: 26

Ballzheimers
Blade Runner - Hare
Bookmark - Hare
Bridgette
Brown Eye Girl - Hare
Bush Yakker - Hare
Can't Cum On Saturday - Hare
Happy Birthday, FU
Ima Luuuger
Just Colin
Just Curt
Just Dinah
Just Jackie
Just Sam
Just Stacy
Mount n Spread - Paid!
My Clit Talks - Hare
My Name is Iggy
Nor-Dick
Pre Cum
Too Short
Use Her and Loser
Victor/Victoria
What's the Age of Consent In Japan (WACIJ)
Who Gives A Shit

The trail was extra hot and extra long, just like me! Well anyway, this week we had so many hares, we were starting to think everyone was gonna get a chance. Bookend and Luuuger started off (even though Just Mike and Clit were the last two there) and promptly got separated and then run down by Pre-Cum, who blew through as many checks as he blows through guys at the glory hole on a busy Saturday night. Precum took over with Just Colin. The pack caught up in time to watch Clit cross a busy intersection, diagonally, almost getting hit 3 times so she could put her plastic bottle in the recycling bin across the street. We need to get her a bumper sticker that reads "Save the Earth, Kill Yourself!" We crossed the 51 for the first time (the hares were nice enough to use a bridge) and Just Mike and Luuuger ended up catching the hares in a park after the rest of the pack wandered obliviously by them. From there, many Zen'd back to the bar but the pack was still pretty strong and resisted the urge. Just Mike wanted to take a potty break before he hared, but was informed that he would just have to do that on trail and Luuuger and him head(!)ed off. (Too bad we already know a Piss Boy) Quickly snared by Clit and Bridgette, we were happy for the break. Figuring Clit would make a beeline straight for her house and pool which was nearby, the pack went south. Unfortunately we lost trail and lost a good portion to the call of the zen. This was mile 6. Ballzheimers and Just Collin finally caught the hares , who were lost themselves, and hared back to the bar. No GPS on trail but most agree we ran 8.69 miles. HBFU and Brown Eye Girl Pulled up the rear.

Luuuger

Stat Hell...

17 humps so far

Most Attended:

15 - Brown Eye Girl
15 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
14 - Luuuger
14 - My Clit Talks
14 - Pre Cum
13 - HBFU
11 - Mount 'N Spread
11 - Out Of Order
11 - Heiferfearzen

Longest Streak:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Broken
9 - Luuuger - Broken
8 - HBFU - Ongoing
5 - Pre Cum - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More)
No Award - just nice to know who needs another hobby....

Allofher Fist - Officiall lacks a life! Yea!
Little Pink - Needs 9 Humps

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

Brown Eye Girl - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
My Clit Talks - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
Pre-Cum - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
BBAG - Needs 2 Humps
IKOG - Needs 5 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 6 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 7 Humps

3.16 .76 - Attendance: 17

B Flat
Ballzheimers
Blade Runner
Bookmark
Bridgette
Brown Eye Girl
Gunga Dick
Happy Birthday, FU
Heiferfearzen
Ima Luuuger
Just Andrea
Just Colin
Just Dinah
Just Lori
Just Mike
Just Mike
Mount n Spread (didn't pay)
My Clit Talks
Spongeworthy
Total Flamer
Pre Cum
Use Her and Loser

Well this last Wednesady we revisted Harvey's Wineburger, at which we chased away all the regulars on a Friday Night Full Moon Hash. As always, the service was good, the beer cheap, and the place was a shithole. Perfect for hashers!

We started trail with a merry crew of 17. A couple of new folks, including Victor Victoria's Virgin daughter (Hubba, Hubba Kelly!) and Just Dinah. As I walked with Hubba Hubba and B-flat, I commented that B-flat was Canadian. Of course B-Flat informed me she was English, to which I replied, in front of V2's daughter, "Yea, but you've had a lot of Canadian in you" - thus another reason not to bring, well, anyone you know to the hash! Luuuger tried to execute the ever complicated "Today is Monday", but failed after saying "Today is Monday". Ah, someday we will get it on the first try!

Your faithful Head(!)master had to split after only a mile, so from here on it, I leave it to Brown Eye to 'splain as only he can what happened next!

As first set of hares (shockingly My Clit Talks and Mount N Spread) were snared, and kept going for a while, by Out Of Order and Victor Victoria which took us over the 51 freeway with a plethera of package and boob checks inches away from each other. Checks were a major source of confusion throughout. There were checks laid on top of boob checks, Mount 'N Spread was hare for the second time and along with Just Curt, took the pack through a neighborhood where the HOA gave a 75% discount for having a large killer dog in the back yard.

The final hares, Blade Runner and Wanker Cockwork Orange, took the reigns and led the hounds down the road to a beautiful purple check, the pack then went through the park and over ponds and through out office buildings until they came upon Highland again. The only problem was that the pack had been following nothing in particular and at this point had no idea where the trail was, but they did know where it was going. In another mind-bending shocker, Mount N Spread decided to zen back to the bar and 93% of the pack followed. Brown Eye Girl and Out of Order were able to snare the hares on Camelback and run with them back to the delicious wine burgers and fries that awaited them at Harvey's.

Cum Again? was given a Happy Birthday, Fuck You!!! ceremony and sucked on it for hours.

Stat Hell...

16 humps so far

Most Attended:

14 - Brown Eye Girl
14 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
13 - Luuuger
13 - My Clit Talks
13 - Pre Cum
12 - HBFU
11 - Mount 'N Spread
11 - Out Of Order
10 - Heiferfearzen

Longest Streak:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Broken
9 - Luuuger - Broken
7 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL) - Broken
7 - HBFU - Ongoing
4 - Out Of Order - Ongoing
4 - Pre Cum - Ongoing
3 - Salt Around The Rim - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More)
No Award - just nice to know who needs another hobby....

Allofher Fist - Officiall lacks a life! Yea!
Little Pink - Needs 9 Humps

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

Brown Eye Girl - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
My Clit Talks - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
Pre-Cum - Needs 1 Hump
BBAG - Needs 2 Humps
IKOG - Needs 5 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 6 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 7 Humps

3.16 .76 - Hump D' Mammaries Attendance: 17

B Flat
Blade Runner
Brown Eye Girl
Cockwork Orange (didn't pay)
Happy Birthday, FU
Heiferfearzen
Luuger
Just Curt
Just Dinah (Just Curt brought her last week)
Just Kelly (V2's virgin daughter)
Mount n Spread (didn't pay)
My Clit Talks
Out Of Order
Salt Around The Rim
Pre Cum
Victor Victoria
Who Gives a Shit

Wednesday was a humpin’ day as the DFL arrivers (which for once did not include a clit or a spread) I’m Kind of Gay and Out of Order were deemed hares and pranced away. Bitch N’ Hoe once again tried to rile up the hounds with “Today is Monday”, but once again found her tripping on her own mmmummmu day. The Out of Order / Gay hares took the pack through a blitzkrieg of checks and by YBFs. The initial hares were snared in the balls of diamonds and dead-beat, cheap-ass wanker Beat by a Girl and Salt Around the Rim grabbed the bags and forced the hounds over a security wall onto the Cardinals practice facility. Not knowing who these “Cardinals” were, the hares questioned the security guard who claimed to be on the phone with the cops. The pack scattered and let the hares go a good 4 feet before some of the pack took off after them. Across the parking lots and through the Tempe Rock Gym went the pack as the hares were snared again by the one deemed Kind of Gay. Making the mistake of going anywhere close to the road where the bar was the last hare lost all but 3 hounds to the brainwash of the beer-zen. “Virgin” Just Jeff supplied racist gear from the Ironman to give to the Hares.

On-zen is another word for dry pussy-on
Brown Eye Girl

Stat Hell...

15 humps so far

Most Attended:

14 - Brown Eye Girl
14 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
12 - Luuuger
12 - My Clit Talks
12 - Pre Cum
11 - HBFU
10 - Mount N' Spread
10 - Out Of Order
9 - My Name Is Iggy
9 - Heiferfearzen
7 - Ballsheimers

Longest Streak:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Broken
9 - Luuuger - Broken
8 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL) - Broken
7 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL) - Ongoing
6 - HBFU - Ongoing
5 - Mount 'N Spread - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More)
No Award - just nice to know who needs another hobby....

Allofher Fist - Officiall lacks a life! Yea!
Little Pink - Needs 9 Humps

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

Brown Eye Girl - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
My Clit Talks - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
BBAG - Needs 2 Humps
Pre-Cum - Needs 2 Humps
IKOG - Needs 5 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 6 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 7 Humps

3.14 .74 - Hump D' Indecisive Attendance: 19

IKOG and O3 hared first, then BBAG and Salt, then IKOG and ??? (after we caught them past the Cardinals training center)

All of her Fist
BBAG-didn't pay
Bitch N Hoe
Bridgette
HBFU
IKOG-didn't pay
My Clit Talks
Pre Cum
Just Lori-PreCum Virgin
Just Jeff
Just Curt
Jist Dinah-Just Curt Virgin
Just Jeff-Just Ryan Virgin
Just Josephine-didn't pay
Just Ryan
Nor-Dick
Out of Order
Rabbid Transit
Salt Around the Rim
Use Her and Loser
Hef (didn't run, studied like a loser at the bar)

Last Wednesday, we found ourselves at Lagerfield's near PV Mall. MNS and O3 were characteristically late so they got to be the hares. We ran through parking lots and golf courses (in Phoenix? Imagine that!) and found ourselves circling across trail when Bridgette and Finger Pickin Good took over (another big suprise!). Luckily for one of our virgins, Just Chris, Cherry Picker and B-Flat pulled up the rear and found him on trail. God only knows what they did to him. Eventually BEG and Pre Cum led us back to the bar, skipping the cool joy that is A/C inside the mall. To make up for this transgression, yours truly decided to long-cut through the mall. Nothing like running by security at a nice clip! I only wish there had been 20 of us just to watch him try and catch us! We got back to the bar and completely ignored Blade Runner, who had made it so painfully obvious it was his birthday, and Allofher Fist, who didn't say a peep about hers! Anyway, that's it, and looking forward to seeing you all this Wednesday!

Ima Luuuger
Head(!)Master

Stat Hell...

14 humps so far

Most Attended:

13 - Brown Eye Girl
13 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
12 - Luuuger
11 - My Clit Talks
11 - Pre Cum
10 - Mount N' Spread
10 - HBFU
9 - My Name Is Iggy
9 - Heiferfearzen
9 - Out Of Order
7 - Just J

Longest Streak:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Broken
9 - Luuuger - Broken
8 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL) - Broken
6 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL) - Ongoing
5 - HBFU - Ongoing
4 - Mount 'N Spread - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More)
No Award - just nice to know who needs another hobby....

Allofher Fist - Needs 1 Hump
Little Pink - Needs 9 Humps

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

Brown Eye Girl - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
My Clit Talks - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
BBAG - Needs 3 Humps
Pre-Cum - Needs 3 Humps
IKOG - Needs 6 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 7 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 8 Humps

3.14 .74 - Hump D' Foamy Head Attendance: 18

Allofher Fist
B-Flat
Ballsheimers
Blade Runner
Bridgette
Brown Eye Girl
Cherry Picker
Finger Pickin Good
HBFU
Ima Luuuger
Just Chris (MNS)
Just Kurt (MNS)
Mount n' Spread
Out Of Order
Pre-Cum
Salt Around The Rim (Her First Hump!)
Total Flamer
Use Her and Loser

Great turn out this week at Mardi Gras with the added bonus of a few "old-timers" showing up! One of the first Humps in a long time where we had no visitors or "Just's" - either we have scared them all off or wore them all down! Nice & fun (depending on your point of view) trail - about 7 miles. Of course being chased through a graveyard by security/the police always makes the miles go by quicker....To start us off, Bitch sang us a song (Today is Monday) and the owner liked us so much he gave us all a free jello shot to start off our run! We had 6 hares - MnS being one because she showed up late again.... we need to figure out how to address the always-late Clit, since she always seems to show up AFTER we choose hares....maybe gorilla down-downs need to be added to the hump!

Stat Hell...

13 humps so far

Most Attended:

12 - Brown Eye Girl
12 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
11 - Luuuger
11 - My Clit Talks
10 - Pre Cum
9 - My Name Is Iggy
9 - Mount N' Spread
9 - HBFU
9 - Heiferfearzen
8 - Out Of Order
7 - Just J

Longest Streak:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Broken
9 - Luuuger - Broken
8 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL) - Broken
5 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL) - Ongoing
4 - HBFU - Ongoing
4 - Heiferfearzen - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More)
No Award - just nice to know who needs another hobby....

Allofher Fist - Needs 4 Humps
Little Pink - Needs 9 Humps

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

Brown Eye Girl - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
My Clit Talks - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
BBAG - Needs 3 Humps
Pre-Cum - Needs 4 Humps
IKOG - Needs 6 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 7 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 8 Humps

3.13 .73 - Hump D' Mask Attendance: 20

Allofher Fist
B-Flat
Bitch 'n Hoe
Brown Eye Girl
Cherry Picker
Cockwork Orange
Eeeee-coli
HBFU
Heifer
Ima Luuuger
Little Pink
Mother Pucker
Mount n' Spread
My Clit Talks
Out Of Order
Pre-Cum
Sphinxter Swallows
Total Flamer
Use Her and Loser
Who Gives a Shit

Last week, the hash met at the Red Owl only to learn that the establishment doesn't open until 7 (what kind of bar and grill doesn't open until 7?). After much razzing of hare raiser HBFU, the ingeneous pack hoofed it over to the liquor store for a 6 pack or 2 to tide them over before the run. With the new Soggy Biscuit rule (really just a guideline) where the wanker who shows up last (at the time of choosing the hares) becomes hare (the bar wasn't open and we had no straws), User and Loser reluctantly took up the flour bag and Iggy joined her as co-hare. After they departed, Little Pink, My Clit Talks and Alcoholiday, who chose Phoenix to kick off his his year long hash around-the-world-sebatical from Starbucks, arrived, followed by the ever late IKOG. HBFU, having decided it wouldn't be very good to take off without the visitor who was changing his clothes in the now open bar, held the pack back a few extra minutes, so the hares had an extra long head start.

The pack was off through the lovely crack neighborhoods of Tempe. Unable to get past the watchman standing guard over the trailer park, the pack backdoored it through a construction entrance and was back on the trail. After emerging from the construction lot, the hares were caught by Bridgette and Just J, so we knew we were screwed. The walkers decided to zen for the bar. Sure enough, the hares headed straight north after a brief detour in front of a packed Four Peaks brewery (and we didn't get to stop!) and ended up back on the trail from two weeks ago's San Felipe hump. the hares were captured on the corner of McClintock and University, and the pack decided at that point to zen to the bar themselves.

Upon arrival at the bar, $2 PBR's were discovered with the news that at 9 there were NICKEL draws of Miller Lite. Needless to say, much beer and food were consumed by all. Where else can you get 20 beers for a buck?

On-on,
HBFU
Head(!)Mistress

Stat Hell...

12 humps so far

Perfect Attendance:

Will not be awarded - Brown Eye Girl crapped out at 11 -

Most Attended:

11 - Brown Eye Girl
11 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
10 - Luuuger
10 - My Clit Talks
9 - Pre Cum
9 - My Name Is Iggy
8 - Mount N' Spread
8 - HBFU
8 - Heiferfearzen
7 - Just J
7 - Out Of Order

Longest Streak:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Broken
9 - Luuuger - Broken
8 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL) - Broken
4 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL) - Ongoing
3 - HBFU - Ongoing
3 - Heiferfearzen - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More)
No Award - just nice to know who needs another hobby....

Allofher Fist - Needs 4 Humps

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

Brown Eye Girl - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
My Clit Talks - Needs A Lanyard! - Ordered!
BBAG - Needs 3 Humps
Pre-Cum - Needs 5 Humps
IKOG - Needs 6 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 7 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 8 Humps

3.12 .72 - Hump D' Birdie Attendance: 16 (no BEG!):

Alcoholiday (visitor from Vegas)
Bitch 'n Hoe
Bridgette
Cockwork Orange
Ecoli
HBFU
Hef
Iggy
IKOG
Just J
Little Pink
Mount n' Spread
My Clit Talks
3IY
Use Her and Loser
Who Gives a Shit

Well we had all the peanuts you could eat, oh, and a great hump as well! BnH sorta taught us a new song about sticking your finger in a wood pecker hole, (Oh, your suppose to use your finger!) and then we sang "Today is Monday" - our official hump warm-up song. Of course since we have changed up the days to make Wednesday a humpin day, (M=wanking, T=2 finger, W=humpin, TH=her favorite, F=drinking, S=hashing, Su=rest) it will forever confuse everyone. Sweet! Also newly minted Tortose Coitus showed off her brand new hash name on a spiffy new necklace, complete with turtle charm. BEG was suppose to be MIA but instead said he wouldn't be ther next week....sure.....

Mount N' Spread lead the way (after a pretty normal amount of whining - to be fair, we did give her a good amount of shit about, well everything) as hare with a great (I mean shitty!) trail, and Luuuger and BEG hared to the end. We even threw in a whichy-way and found desert shiggy in the middle of Scottsdale! BnH and Heifer stopped off to do the nasty (drink PBR) at his place in an impromtu 2 person Beer Stop.

All in all, everybody found trail and had a good time. Success!

Stat Hell...

11 humps so far

Perfect Attendance:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Rumor has(h) it that BEG will be out of town this week! (again)

Most Attended:

11 - Brown Eye Girl
10 - Luuuger
10 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
9 - My Clit Talks
9 - Pre Cum
8 - My Name Is Iggy
7 - Out Of Order
7 - Mount N' Spread
7 - HBFU
7 - Heiferfearzen
6 - Just J

Longest Streak:

11 - Brown Eye Girl - Ongoing
9 - Luuuger - Ongoing
8 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL) - Broken
3 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL) - Ongoing
2 - HBFU - Ongoing
2 - Heiferfearzen - Ongoing
2 - Total Flamer - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More) No Award - just nice to know who needs another hobby....

Allofher Fist - Needs 4 Humps

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

Brown Eye Girl - Needs A Lanyard!
My Clit Talks - Needs A Lanyard!
BBAG - Needs 3 Humps
Pre-Cum - Needs 5 Humps
IKOG - Needs 7 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 7 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 8 Humps

3.11.71 - Hump D' Tax Man Attendance 11

Bitch 'N Hoe
Brown Eye Girl
Happy Birthday, Fuck you
Heiferfearzen
Ima Luuuger
Mount N Spread
Pre Cum
SpongeWorthy
Tortoise Coitus
Total Flamer
Use Her and Loser

Last week was good fun, well a death-march mostly, but a good, fun death-march! The weather is warming up and it staying light a little later, which means we get to see more of you, but with less clothing on, woo-hoo! (well woo-hoo for most of you that is!) Remember it still gets dark while we are running, so a flashlight is a must!

Come on out run/drink your tax bill away and join us for this weeks Hump D' Hash at:

4/16/08 (4/15 IRS Taxes due)
Hump D' Tax Man

Teakwoods Tavern & Grill
8880 E Via Linda # 106, Scottsdale, AZ
(480) 614-5254
Hare Raiser: Heiferfearzen


As always, bring a flashlight and a whistle!
Start: 6:36 pm
Chalk Talk: 6:45 pm
Hares Away: 6:54 pm
Non-humpers should expect us at the On-In around 8:15 - 8:30 pm.
If we are not there by 8:45, just keep drinking.

Stat Hell...

10 humps so far

Perfect Attendance:

10 - Brown Eye Girl - Rumor has(h) it that BEG will be out of town this week!

Most Attended:

10 - Brown Eye Girl
9 - Luuuger
9 - My Clit Talks
9 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
8 - Pre Cum
8 - My Name Is Iggy
7 - Out Of Order
6 - Mount N' Spread
6 - HBFU
6 - Heiferfearzen

Longest Streak:

10 - Brown Eye Girl - Ongoing
8 - Luuuger - Ongoing
8 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL) - Broken
6 - Pre Cum - Broken
6 - Just J - Ongoing
5 - My Clit Talks - Ongoing
4 - Out Of Order - Broken

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More) No Award - just nice to know who needs another hobby....

Allofher Fist - Needs 4 Humps

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

Brown Eye Girl - Needs A Lanyard!
My Clit Talks - Needs A Lanyard!
BBAG - Needs 3 Humps
Pre-Cum - Needs 6 Humps
IKOG - Needs 7 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 7 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 8 Humps

3.10.70 - Hump D' Taco Attendance: 16

Allofher Fist
Bridgette
Brown Eye Girl
Deet throat
Happy Birthday, Fuck you
Heiferfearzen
I'm Kinda Of Gay
Ima Luuuger
Just J
Just Jeff
Just Josephine
Little Pink
My Clit Talks
My Name Is Insignificant
Total Flamer
Use Her and Loser

Well we had a great time at our 69th Hump! 22 hashers showed up to get in on some 69 action. Unlike most Humps, we had beer(!) and a circle(!) at the end of what turned out to also be the shortest hump in the history of Humpin! The hares spooked by the fast closing pack, decided after 2.5 miles to head(!) back to the bar pronto. We voted and decided that rather than make the car a BN, it would be our ON-IN. Circle was fun with lots of jokes, good and bad, songs sung without melody, gimmies including gynological tools like one-use speculums, disposable underwear, pregnancy tests and light up whistles that would have given Dumbo a 3-day hard-on - even without goth inspired kiddie-porn! We had 3 visitors (2 from the frigid north, Dirty Dancer and Mouthful from Calgary and 1 from the balmy South, Mister Rogers (Won't you be my flamer?) from Carolina). We also welcumed a new hasher to Phoenix by the name of Frankenfucker. Say hi when you see him! On the plus side, I think I have decided that since the Phx Hash ends with Swing Low, and the Full Moon ends with My Name Is Jack, The Hump's official new song is: Today is Monday! (sung our way of course - Wednesday is a humpin day!)

Next week is Mis-Management, last chance to bust Pony Boy's ball, and our normal Wednesday night Fun Run at 6:15. See you there! Hopefully we will have new locations for the next 3 months by then - send suggestions if you have them.

If you have run 5 humps and don't have a Name Tag, Please let me know as I am getting ready to get a new batch printed. If you have one that is jacked and need a new one, let me know.....we may be able to arrange $omething.

Luuuger
Head(!)Master

Stat Hell

9 humps so far

Perfect Attendance:

9 - Brown Eye Girl

Most Attended:

9 - Brown Eye Girl
8 - Luuuger
8 - My Clit Talks
8 - Pre Cum
8 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
7 - My Name Is Iggy
7 - Out Of Order
6 - Mount N' Spread
5 - HBFU
5 - Heiferfearzen

Longest Streak:

9 - Brown Eye Girl - Ongoing
7 - Luuuger - Ongoing
7 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL) - Broken
6 - Pre Cum - Ongoing
5 - Just J - Ongoing
4 - My Clit Talks - Ongoing
4 - Out Of Order - Ongoing

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More) No Award - just nice to know....

Allofher Fist - Needs 5 Humps

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

HBFU - Needs A Lanyard!
Brown Eye Girl - Needs A Lanyard!
My Clit Talks - Needs A Lanyard!
BBAG - Needs 3 Humps
Pre-Cum - Needs 6 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 7 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 8 Humps
IKOG - Needs 8 Humps

3.9.69 - Hump D' An'alversary attendance: 22

Allofher Fist
Bitch N' Hoe
Brown Eye Girl
Frankenfucker
Dirty Dancer
IKOG
Ima Luuuger
Just J
Just Jacki
Just Shawna
Mister Rogers (Won't you be my flamer?)
Mount N' Spread
Mouthful
My Clit Talks
My Name Is Chuck/Insignificant/Iggy
Out Of Order
Pre Cum
Rabid Transit
Taint
Tight Lips
Use Her and Loser
Who Gives A Shit

Lots of fun last week as we did the Kilt thing, up north again. Basically lots of parking lots, walls, gated comuni-tities and loss of dignity on trail. Important side notes include:
1) Ponyboy is pretty much done with us. His job that brought him here is finishing and the commute from Baltimore is a bitch around 6pm - so we will not see him much anymore. With that said, he will be at the mis-management meeting in two weeks if you want to say goodbye/kick him in the groin.
B) luckiest sum-bitch in the world, Just J, lost his car key on trail (he lives in Anthem) but managed to find it within 15 minutes in the first intersection we crossed. I guess the luck of the Irish was still to be found two days after St Pats - Of course we did have a leprechaun with us in the form of Brown Eye Girl!
iii) I found some Champion Dri-fit type tshirts at Cost-co for $10 each. With some coupons we won at a non-hash event, I think I may be able to get them printed up and sellable as Hump d' hash shirts for $15 - $20 a shirt. I would be doing this on a pre-order type deal, so let me know and if enough people are interested, we will order them!
!8%@) We semi-celebrated BEG's birthday until the attitud-anal waitress serving the 15 of us decided that it was better to make us remove from the premesis the birthaday cookies HBFU brought in, rather than to get a tip for the 30 beers and 10 dinners. To each they're own. Just one more example of Hashers making friends everywhere we go!

This week is our 69th Anniversary Hump! We are working on some fun gimmies, maybe some stupid games and a big group photo for the web. Thanks to everyone who has cum, and supported the Hump for the past 3 years! Lets make this the biggest Hump ever - our record is 27 humpers!

Perfect Attendance/Longest Streak/Most Attended 2008 - 8 humps so far
Use Her and Loser had something better to do last week, (and really, what wouldn't be more productive?) and dropped out just as she was becoming an odds favorite.
8 - Brown Eye Girl - Conrgatulations! You finally did it - loser.
7 - Luuuger
7 - My Clit Talks
7 - Pre Cum
7 - Use Her And Loser (U-HAL)
6 - My Name Is Iggy
6 - Out Of Order
5 - HBFU
5 - Heiferfearzen
5 - Mount N' Spread

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More)
No Award - just nice to know....
Allofher Fist - Needs 5 Humps

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)
HBFU - Needs A Lanyard!
Brown Eye Girl - Needs 1 Hump
My Clit Talks - Needs 1 Hump
BBAG - Needs 3 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 7 Humps
Pre-Cum - Needs 7 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 9 Humps
IKOG - Needs 9 Humps

3.8.68 - Hump D' Kilt attendance: 15
Bitch N' Hoe
Bridgette
Brown Eye Girl
HBFU
Ima Luuuger
Just J
Just Jackie
Just Michael (Pre Cum's Son)
Just Paul
My Clit Talks
Out Of Order
Pony Boy
Pre Cum
Steer Queer
Who Gives A Shit

Well last weeks Hump d' Prime Numbers was smaller in numbers but hard to divide. We found ourselves led through some seriously ghetto areas, but everyone seemed to make it out alive - well at least that's what we told the cops. This week we will move to the much nicer ghettos of Scottsdale which means no less a supply of drugs and prostitution, they just cost more and you can't trade one for the other as easily - so bring cash on trail!

Hopefully you didn't have your fill of St. Pats funs, as we will all be doing one more day at a Scottish Pub in N. Scottsdale - not Irish, but better than a pub run by those bloody huns, the English! Kidding!

Perfect Attendance/Longest Streak/Most Attended 2008 - 7 humps so far

Well Iggy took his final bow for perfect attendance this week, so we are down to two!
Brown Eye Girl 1/2 odds
Use Her and Loser 1/1 odds

Remember kids, once they all drop, Longest streak and Most attended will cum into play for all the rest of us with lives.

Here are those with 6 humps:
Luuuger
My Clit Talks
Iggy
Pre Cum

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More) No Award - just nice to know....
Ima Luuuger - 50 Humps
Heiferfearzen - 50 Humps
Allofher Fist - Needs 5 Humps

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)
Brown Eye Girl - Needs 2 Humps
My Clit Talks - Needs 2 Humps
BBAG - Needs 3 Humps
Nor-Dick - Needs 7 Humps
Pre-Cum - Needs 8 Humps
Rabid Transit - Needs 9 Humps
IKOG - Needs 9 Humps

3.7.67 - Hump D' Prime Numbers attendance:
Bitch N' Hoe
Brown Eye Girl
Cross-Dressing Gaurd (Transplant out of St Louis)
Deet Throat
Heiferfearzen
Ima Luuuger
Mount N' Spread
My Clit Talks
Out Of Order
Pre Cum
Use Her Or Loser
Just J (Jesus is my homeboy)
Just Josephine (leaving us in a few months - sniff!)
Just Ryan

Perfect Attendance/Longest Streak/Most Attended 2008 - 6 humps so far

Well, none of these competitive bastards will let it go, so we are still stuck with them at the top (I hear they are all really much better as bottoms)
Brown Eye Girl 1/1.5 odds
My Name Is Chuck 1/1 odds
Use Her and Loser 2/1 odds
Remember kids, once they all drop, Longest streak and Most attended will cum into play for all the rest of us with lives.

Lack of a Life Achievement (50 Humps or More) No Award - just nice to know....

Ima Luuuger - Needs 1 Hump
Heiferfearzen - Needs 1 Hump
Allofher Fist - Needs 6 Humps

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

HBFU - Needs 0 Humps
BBAG - Needs 3 Humps
Brown Eye Girl - Needs 3 Humps
My Clit Talks - Needs 3 Humps

3.6.66 - Hump D' Devil Inside attendance:

3IY
Allofher Fist
BFlat
Brown Eye Girl
Bush Wacker
Cockwork Orange
HBFU
Heiferfearzen
IKOG
Ima Luuuger
Little Pink
Mount N' Spread
My Clit Talks
My Name Is Chuck/Insignificant/Iggy
Out Of Order
Pre-Cum
Rabit Transit
Use Her and Loser
Who Gives A Shit
Just Anna
Just J
Essex

Well we had a great turnout for Victor Victoria's 50'th Bday! 23 or so found NoSco's Salty Senorita's for a bit of beer and food, and oh yea, there was a hump too! I had to bolt early for some pre-valentines day shenanigans, but before that, the run was fun and interesting and we met some cool new people! Apparently, we crushed another waitress soul with the complexity of the tab, but I hear the cake was good!

Slow Entry (7 months pregers!) and her sperm donor/hubby Sum Dum Guy graced us from Sacramento H3. "Just" J joins us after hashing in the Green Zone in Baghdad and looks like he might be a regular, and Bush Whacker joined us again from the Zonies (do they know you are seeing other hashes?) and brought another of the Whacker clan to join us, her son Chatty Whacker!

Next week is The Phoenix Full Moon Hash, hosted by the ever lov-er-ly Bitch n' Hoe and hared by Mount 'N Spread & Out of Order near PV mall.

In respect to the older and wiser (but definitely older, ever heard of moisturizer?) Full Moon Hash, the Hump d' will be on lock down and chained to the wall in the cellar with a ball-gag and electrodes on all 3 of it's nipples. We will let it lose again on Feb 27th.

Perfect Attendance/Longest Streak/Most Attended 2008 - 5 humps so far

One More hit the bricks this week so we are down to our last 3! Sad to see ya go Clit, we hardly knew ya!
Brown Eye Girl 1/1 odds
My Name Is Chuck 1.5/1 odds
Use Her and Loser 3/1 odds

Remember kids, once they all drop, Longest streak and Most attended will cum into play for all the rest of us with lives.

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)
B-Flat - Needs 0 Hump - Get that Humper a lanyard!
HBFU - Needs 1 Humps
BBAG - Needs 3 Humps
My Clit Talks - Needs 4 Humps

This weeks cast of Humpers:
Allofher Fist
B-Flat
Brown Eye Girl
Bush Whacker
Chatty Whacker
Cockwork Orange
Happy Birthday, Fuck You
Heiferfearzen
I Fucked My Sister
IKOG
Ima Luuuger (L)
Just Adrian
Just Anna
Just J
Just Jeff
Mount N Spread
MNI Chuck/Insignaficant/Iggy
Pre Cum
Rabit Transit
Slow Entry
Sum Dum Guy
Use Her and Loser
Victor/Victoria

Cum Again? was at the bar when I left....

Well I am proud of all you happy humpers that came out last night and braved the chilly stuff! We actually had a great trail, regardless of what the hares tried to do (specifically Bridgett's patented "Loop of Confusion"....don't cross the streams, important safety tip! We ended up running about 5.69 miles through ASU and the surrounding areas. I did appreciate the hares sitting in an empty golf cart so that everyone thought they were security and almost ran right by them. (other than BBAG who was hiding in a vain attempted to avoid being hare.) Good times. Apparently "The Bar" is now the "Lucky Devil Bar & Grill" and was happy to have us. We had two Zexy Zonies cum and join us, Fire Wacker and Bush Wacker and they seemed to have a great time as well. I think we may even see them again! Well next week is the Mis-Management meeting, so alls I gots for you is a fun-run leaving Hazelwood's at 6:15 promptly. The week after that, we have a great little day before Valentine's hump! TBD of course.

Perfect Attendance/Longest Streak/Most Attended 2008 - 4 humps so far

Only One Humper dropped this week - Out Of Order, waive bye bye.
The Final 4:
Brown Eye Girl
My Clit Talks
My Name Is Chuck
Use Her and Loser

Remember kids, once they all drop, Longest streak and Most attended will cum into play for all the rest of us with lives.

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

Use Her and Loser - Should Have already 27
B-Flat - Needs 1 Hump
HBFU - Needs 2 Humps
BBAG - Needs 3 Humps
My Clit Talks - Needs 4 Humps

Lanyard Badges (5 Humps or More)

My Name Is Chuck
I Fuck My Sister
Bitch N Hoe
Pony Boy
Who Gives A Shit
Just Josephine
Just Julie
Open Festering Pusshole
UPMS
Just Paul
Just Ryan
Bridgette

Perfect Attendance/Longest Streak/Most Attended 2008 -
3 humps so far*

Brown Eye Girl
My Clit Talks
My Name Is Chuck
Out Of Order
Use Her and Loser

*I am sure this will piss Head(!)masters HBFU and Heifer off, but if you don't run, it don't count.

Lanyard Awards (25 Humps or More)

Use Her and Loser - Should Have already 26
Out Of Order - Should Have Already 25
B-Flat - Needs 1 Hump
HBFU - Needs 3 Humps
BBAG - Needs 4 Humps
My Clit Talks - Needs 5 Humps

Lanyard Badges (5 Humps or More)

My Name Is Chuck
I Fuck My Sister
Bitch N Hoe
Pony Boy
Who Gives A Shit
Just Josephine
Just Julie
Open Festering Pusshole
UPMS
Just Paul
Just Ryan
Bridgette

Well, thanks to Pre-Cum and MNIChuck we have a nice new spiffy Hump page on the website! Thanks guys! This week we also have a nice new spiffy bar to check out: Monkey Pants. Have heard good things about this place and it should be fun to run around as well. Our New Hump(!)Mistress, HBFU chose it as her first Hump bar and apparently recommends the Happy Hour, so be there or be something with four equal sides and right angles.

On-on

Ima Luuuger

Yes Indeed it is! Our very first Hump of the year in fact! We will be revisiting good old S. Scottsdale this week, but we will be on the SW corner of Hayden and Thomas at Pranksters Too. The temperature has dropped a bit from our balmy 60's so make sure to dress appropriately and bring a light - there should be just about zero moonlight!

ALSO! Anyone who turns in their registration form and pays me for the Red Dress Run tomorrow before the Hump gets to Hump for free! That's right folks, FREE!!!!! That is a $1 instant savings! You won't find this offer anywhere else but here! But hurry! This offer expires at 6:45 Wednesday night!

Pre Cum and Heifer have already taken advantage of this stellar offer! 2 very satisfied customers! Here is the link for the registration form: http://www.phoenixhhh.org/SpecialEvents/RedDressRunRego2008.pdf

Since you were wondering, this run is numbered 3.1.61 (That's 3 for the third year of the Hump, 1 for the first hump of the year, and 61 for the total # of humps runs ever)

I knew you were curious.

On-on

Ima Luuuger

2007 By The Numbers:
34: Humps Ran
15.85: Average Attendance

Hash Name	Total Attended
Heiferfearzen	45
Ima Luuuger (L)	44
AllofHer Fist	42
Little Pink	35
Mount'n Spread	25
Use Her and Loser	23
Out Of Order	22
B-Flat	22
Happy Birthday, Fuck You	21
Beat By A Girl	20
Wrong Number	18
Nor-Dick	18
My Clit Talks	17
Brown Eye Girl	16
Bush Stradler	15
Victor Victoria	15
Bush Yakker	15
IKOG - I'm kind of gay	13
Rabid Transit	13
Dumbo Colonic	13
Womb Service	13
Deet Throat	12
Pre Cum	11
Mother Pucker	11
Oral Escort	10
Spongeworthy	10
Tits 4 Tots	10
I Fuck My Sister	9
"Just" Maulik	9
My Name Is Chuck	8
Can't Cum on Saturday	8
Sphinxter Swallows	8
Who Gives A Shit	7
"Just" Josephine	7
Bitch 'N Hoe	7
Pony Boy - Baltimore Hash	6
Shitt Lipps	6
Just Julie	6
Open Festering Pusshole	6
Cum Again?	6
WD30 - Wet, Dirty & 30	5
Just Paul	5
Too Short	5
Repeat Offender	5
Buys Busch on Trail	5
Eeee-coliiii	5
UPMS	4
"Just" Junko - Mount'n Spread	4
"Just" Mike	4
Whopper Jr	4
"Just" Anna - Happy Birthday Fuck You	3
"Just" Tracy - WD30	3
CHERRY PICKER	3
Too Deep	3
"Just" Andy	3
Condominmeum	3
Diaper Rash	3
Slippery Grip	3
"Just" Sandra	3
Cockwork Orange	2
"Just" Barbie	2
Just Bridgette	2
Just Glen - Ima Luuuger	2
Just Michael - Meetin	2
Just Rena - Internet	2
"Just" Rob - Internet	2
"Just" Ryan - Mount N Spread	2
Just Stacy - Internet	2
"Just" Tiffany - Mother Pucker	2
Hitter Holy	2
"Just" Kristen	2
"Just" Meghan	2
3IY - IS IT IN YET?	2
Bareback	2
Chewbacca	2
SIDEWALK BALLERINA	2