LBH Mismanagement

These poor saps are the ones who were elected to mismanage the activities of the Lost Boobs Hash.

2021-2022 Mismanagement Team
(09/2021-09/2022)

Grand Master: N.U.B.S.
Religious Advisor: Stuck on Stupid
Great Pretender: Meat Swans
Beermeister: Just Noti
Foodmeister (raiser): vacant
Hareraiser: .22 Problems
Hash Cash: Up Splits Creek
Chalk Talk: vacant
Hash Trash: Weedwacker
Songmeister: Temple of Poon
Hash Flash (Covered within Wrong Way): Cum Again??
Web Geek (Covered within Wrong Way): California Creamin’

Mismanagement Duties

Grand Master/Mattress (GM) – General manager of Lost Boobs H3. Schedules and presides over monthly Mismanagement Meetings. Looks out for the best interest of the kennel above all else. Cultivates an atmosphere to boost the hash up and steer it in the best direction. Exhibits sounds judgement, decorum, the ability to to be objective, and flexibility on calling into work on Tuesday morning on a whim. Leadership ability, event planning experience, and a skill set to herd beer loving joggers is paramount. Keeper of the LBH towels and any other gimmes/misc. items owned by the kennel. Handles planning larger special events such as LBH Analversary and Erections which may include acting as a liaison between the venue and the hash, giveaways, and themes. Puts out fires, covers all holes(!) in Mismanagement that need to be filled, and bleeds yellow and black.

Religious Advisor (RA) – Maintains the sacred integrity of circle including all of it’s traditions. Leads accusations, encourages singing, handles crowd control, welcums visitors and virgins, and adapts to ensure swing low happens around 9:30pm. Must be stellar at learning names, engaging the crowd, squashing side conversations, and providing a stimulating but supportive environment to heckle fellow half-minds. The goal is to have maximum participation in the ritual that is religion while maintaining hash respect. It helps to be loud, fun likable, charismatic, and witty. One of those qualities is probably enough. Much honor is bestowed upon great RAs as they are in fact the cruise directors of fun for Lost Boobs. Taking a joke, showing your joke, and knowing what a circle looks like will get you far.

Beermeister – Beermeister is responsible for all drinks and (naming) flour getting to On-In every Monday! You will become very popular. Cold cheap beer, water, and wine are required. Coolers can be provided by the hash for your use. You will be reimbursed at Hash Cash weekly for alcohol, water, and ice. Running out of beer would result in the most egregious down-down. An appropriate vehicle for transport and way to store leftovers for the other 6 days of the week are mandatory. You must have a driver’s license, but we’ll look the other way if it’s expired. Huge beer wielding muscles are a bonus for you and for the pack! 1 Beermeister gets free Hash Cash for the night.

Foodmeister – Provides On-In snacks every Monday. Priority is ensuring everyone gets something, we don’t run out, staying within budget, and that there is enough variety to satisfy most of the group. This isn’t considered dinner. You will be reimbursed by Hash Cash for up to $1.50 per person per hash on Food. Feel free to be creative, do themed food, or find a system that works for you. Cooler(s), table(s), a crock pot, and storage bins will be provided to you by the hash. Must be able to store and transport Foodmeister items in between hashes. Adept at being a good sport on hasher jokes relating to “eating out.” Huge job, all the accolades for taking this on! Feel free to make it your own. 1-2 Foodmeisters get free Hash Cash for the night.

Hareraiser – Values great hash trail over chasing bimbo/wanker tail! Maintains a spreadsheet with Lost Boobs haring dates and tricks drunk people into signing up. Advertises trails and the Lost Boobs Haring Guide and makes any necessary changes as needed. Makes Lost Boobs Facebook events which are automatically transferred onto the website. Encourages great experienced hares to take on new/bad/virgin hares, and walks them through the process. Sends out a yahoo email every week with Lost Boobs details. Can exhibit good humor about being blamed for how dumb the hares are on a regular basis. Sets outstanding examples and adept at facilitating wonderful walker/runner friendly 3-5 mile trails that are in by 8:45pm. May host some sort of Haring Class event from time to time or post some helpful Haring Tips on social media. Just the tip.

Hash Cash – Treasurer of Lost Boobs, and the first friendly face everyone cums upon every Monday night. Has access to the checking account along with the GM. Handles reimbursing Hares, Beermeister, and Foodmeister(s) at each hash and flogs them for any misspending. May handle the ordering/payment for special event gimmes, or paying the bar tab with the hash debit card as needed. Deposits cash into the bank account every couple of weeks. Arrives around 6pm every Monday night and runs Check-In/Hash Cash by taking sweaty $5 bills and strip club $1 rejects. Keeper of the Hash Cash backpack and virgin vests. Communicates spending trends to the rest of the Mismanagement Team and/or kennel. Must be able to count to 5 and be comfortable chasing hashers down for money on a regular basis. Ensures that the only thing “in the red” for Lost Boobs might be a hasher wearing a walk of shame Red Dress from the weekend before.

Chalk Talk – Regales the virgins and rest of the group with an explanation of hash marks and checks before the start of each Lost Boobs trail. Must be able to be prepared to do Chalk Talk at 6:45pm on Monday nights. Clear on how to find and follow trail, as well as how to mark it. Excellent at riling a crowd and teaching alcoholics what pictures on pavement mean. Being loud, engaging, funny, and exhibiting a high regard for great hash trail helps. Being able to tell time to get walkers out as close to 7pm as possible doesn’t hurt. Having a child to steal sidewalk chalk from is a bonus. The shitty hares always write Chalk Talk by a horrifically smelling dumpster, so a keen sense of smell is frowned upon.

Sexretary – Write and posts factual Lost Boobs Mismanagement Meeting minutes. Keeps files updated for Lost Boobs including Founder/Flounder List, Naming Record/Locations, Founders/Flounders “Owed” List, Location Counts (Annual,) Gimmes/Merchandise Contact Info, and tracking floundership for the kennel. Keeper of the founder/flounder shirts and patches, and responsible for ensuring records are maintained. May perform other Sexretarial related duties as needed such as promotional Facebook posts or emails.

Hash Trash – Pens Hash Trash, which weaves a creative and 69% factual story of the happenings at each hash. Posts and distributes for general amusement to the yahoo group and in a Facebook post. Must be literate, attend Lost Boob’s H3 regularly, and be well versed in the good natured ribbing of half-minds. Adept at including notations such as visitor names, who “wins” the Shit Award, and humorous anecdotes that trick backsliders into cumming again. Can use the word ream in a sentence without cracking a smile. Excellent at clicking one’s mouse and pushing buttons. A must read, unapologetically stolen from Boston H3, http://bostonhash.wikidot.com/howtoscribe

Songmeister – This hasher has no self-respect. Responsible for supplying circle with inappropriate appropriate songs at a moment’s notice. Assists the RAs. Speaks with other hashers and kennels to bring unknown songs to Lost Boobs. Routinely posts tunes to the Facebook group to help newer half-minds learn, seasoned half-minds remember, and drunk half-minds giggle. Hosts Hashy Choir Practices 2-4 times a year to help build up the kennel’s song arsenal. May pass out song cards or print outs as needed. Dedicated to the tradition of a rousing circle. Often hoarse from too many choruses or gargling too many vaginas.

Hash Flash – Takes pictures at the various Phoenix hashes and gets them posted or sent out to the larger community. Is cognoscente and fair minded in censoring some nudity due to social media restrictions and half-mind privacy needs. Holder of all of the blackmail. (Covered under Wrong Way Mismanagement)

Web Geek – Maintains the website for the greater Phoenix hashing community. Ensures all pertinent information gets out to the kennel. Also fixes our computers when we download too much porn. (Covered under Wrong Way Mismanagement)

Haberdashery – Pedals anything and everything half-mind related, such as patches, dildos, socks, whistles, shirts, pasties, cranium lamps, lanyards, stickers, vessels, and cock rings. Helps to arrange and design new orders of items with the rest of Mismanagement. Generally, tricks hashers wearing (race-ist) athletic attire into buying and donning hash appropriate garb when they are intoxicated. (Covered under Wrong Way Mismanagement)

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Previous mismanagement teams:

2011 Mismanagement Team

Grand Master/Mattress – Alley Cat
Religious Advisor – Donkey Dildo Delight
Chalk Talk – Pounding Father
Beer Bitch –
Haberdasher –
Hare Raiser –
Hash Cash –
Hash Ass – All Founders and Flounders have this responsibility
Hash Flash– California Creamin’ / Cum Again??
On Geek – California Creamin’
Snack Snatch – Alley Cat
Hash Scribe – Dick in a Dirty Box
Songmeister – ?

2012 Mismanagement Team

Grand Master/Mattress – Hole Miner’s Daughter
Religious Advisor – Donkey Dildo Delight
Beer Bitch – Donkey Dildo Delight
Haberdasher – A Star is Porn & Tranny Granny
Hare Raiser – My Precious
Hash Cash – On The Rag / Whore’s Whisperer
Hash Ass – All Founders and Flounders have this responsibility
Hash Flash– California Creamin’ / Cum Again? / Garbage Pail Kid / As long as people share the photos (See Creamin’) we’re happy to have you take photos
On Geek – California Creamin’
Snack Snatch – I’ll Pack Her / On The Rag
Hash Scribe – Galloping Ghecko
Songmeister – ?

2013 Mismanagement Team

Grand Master/Mattress – Whore’s Whisperer
Religious Advisor – Donkey Dildo Delight
Chalk Talk – Princess Labia
Beer Bitch (raiser) – Pornholio
Haberdasher – A Star is Porn & Tranny Granny
Hare Raiser – Token Ese
Hash Cash – Sex Oh Fence
Hash Ass – All Founders and Flounders have this responsibility
Hash Flash– California Creamin’ / Cum Again?? / Garbage Pail Kid / As long as people share the photos (See Creamin’) we’re happy to have you take photos
On Geek – California Creamin’
Snack Snatch (raiser) – Upper Cunt
Hash Scribe – Behold My Bush
Songmeister – I’ll Pack Her

2014 Mismanagement Team

Grand Master: Moany Hawk
Religious Advisor:  Donkey Dildo Delight, DILF Hunter
Chalk Talk:  Pounding Father
Beermeister:  Cramel Toed/.22 Problems
Foodmeister: Welcum Wagon/Just Danny
Hareraiser: Weird Al Yank-A-Dick
Hash Scribe – Cramel Toed
Hash Cash – I Punched A Kid
Songmeister – I’ll Pack Her
Sexretary – I Punched A Kid
Hash Flash– California Creamin’ / Cum Again?? / Garbage Pail Kid / As long as people share the photos (See Creamin’) we’re happy to have you take photos
On Geek – California Creamin’

2015 Mismanagement Team

Grand Master: Gag Order, Esq.
Religious Advisor: Weird All Yank-A-Dick / Donkey Dildo Delight
Great Pretender: Temple of Poon
Chalk Talk: NairBare / Scrubbin’ Doubles
Beermeister: Ronald McDickhole / Dexter’s Library
Foodmeister: Anal Beaching / Oral Licksation
Hareraiser: Token Ese
Hash Scribe: Up In Cider
Hash Cash: Sex Oh Fence
Songmeister: Grandpa’s Next
Sexretary: Atticum
HashFlash (Covered within Wrong Way): Cum Again?? / California Creamin’
On Geek (Covered within Wrong Way): California Creamin’

2016 Mismanagement Team

Grand Master: Whore’s Whisperer
Religious Advisor: Donkey Dildo Delight / Gag Order, Esq.
Great Pretender: Udder Fuck Up
Beermeister: Hairy Pooper
Foodmeister: Rolling Stoned / Two If By Pee
Hareraiser: Alllrighty Men
Hash Scribe: Open Position (Our favorite)
Hash Cash: Everything Butt Sex
Songmeister: Mount N’ Climb Her
Sexretary: Open position – currently filled by Whore’s Whisperer
HashFlash (Covered within Wrong Way): Cum Again?? / California Creamin’
On Geek (Covered within Wrong Way): California Creamin’

2017 Mismanagement Team
(3/20/2017-10/2017)

2020 Mismanagement Team
(09/2019-09/2020)

Grand Master: I’ll Pack Her
Religious Advisor: Glitarrrd / Tastes Like College
Great Pretender: Mount N’ Climb Her / .22 Problems
Beermeister: Rigor Moretits / Whack in the Box
Foodmeister (raiser): Temple of Poon
Hareraiser: 300 & Sixty-nine
Hash Cash: Up Splits Creek
Chalk Talk: Stuck on Stupid
Sexretary: I’ll Pack Her
Hash Trash: Weedwacker / I Scream I Fake
Songmeister: I’ll Pack Her
Sergeant-at-Arms: Lucky the Virgin Leprechaun
Hash Flash (Covered within Wrong Way): Cum Again??
Web Geek (Covered within Wrong Way): California Creamin’
Haberdashery (Covered within Wrong Way): A Star Is Porn/Tranny Granny